I've slacked off a bit with this whole blog thing... It was a long weekend & Don was home for three whole days!! It was nice to have him here with me, but for some reason I don't get as much done with him home. You would think that since he's here I'd get more done, he'd be able to help watch Gavin - for some reason, I can't (or just don't want to) get off my butt & clean. I'd rather sit & goof off with him. This habit is something I need to work on breaking...

Cleaning... that's another thing I've slacked off with this week. But, I have had a pretty busy week & haven't really felt like using my spare time to clean. I'll get to it, eventually. I don't plan on having any company over... I could be cleaning now, but instead I'd rather update my blog bc I'm a computer nerd.

My birthday was last Thursday! Donny boy took me to RedBowl. I haven't been before, and I was pretty thrilled about going. He wouldn't tell me where we were going, and he doesn't care for chinese or sushi at allllll so when we pulled in, I thought we were going to BWW. That would have been A-OK with me, cus they have killer chicken wraps... but, he surprised me and took me to get some great sushi! I thought it was very nice of him. He can be so sweet sometimes. Thankfully, he was feeling sweet on that day. It's kinda hard to feed Gavin what we're having when we're eating Chinese. I mean, I couldn't give him what I was having... & Don got Sesame' Chicken with rice. I'll have to remember next time we go to bring Gavin his own dinner...

Misty & her gang came over Friday and brought pizza (for my bday) It was very sweet of her to do this. I had no intentions of celebrating my birthday, but my family came through :) Mom & Dad stopped by for a few... in a new JEEP! Yea, so they bought a new car & didn't bother to tell anyone until they showed up in it. It's nice, and I'm happy for them. But, I don't see why they needed to get a new car; they're old jeep was fine. But, if you can do it, i guess do it right? I can't really remember what we did on Saturday... My days seem to run together... OH i think the highlight of Saturday was going to walmart. HA! Sunday we went over to Don's mother's house... They grilled steaks... and Angel got his mother & I a bday cake. how sweet! I finally got around to getting some mulch for my flower beds on Monday... Lowes was packed!

Mom's still at the beach... instead of coming home with dad she decided to stay for the week. I'm jealous. I wish I were at the beach. I wish I could just sit on the beach & get some sunshine & not have to worry about one single thing. But, if I were to be at the beach, trying to get some sunshine I'd be having my "third" eye on Gavin & half of my body would be covered by the umbrella. Yes, being a mom is great :)

Gavin & I finally got to go on our first playdate with Alamance Mommies. I was so so very nervous yesterday morning. I kept thinking I was going to show up at the wrong house, or I was going to be late, or they'd think I was goofy. I was just hoping they'd like my baby & I didn't make a complete fool out of myself. I haven't socialized in so long, it was kinda akward for me. I haven't been around "new" people at all... I see the same people day in & day out... So, I had no idea what to chitchat about... I just hope they kinda understand where I'm coming from, ya know? But, I do think that Gavin really enjoyed himself. He hasn't been around Baby-babies... He's only been around kids 2&up... He had fun, though. & I'm glad he did. He conked out that afternoon & slept for a good 2 & a half hours... it was nice. I napped too, haha.

I was able to get the cucumber plants yesterday, as well. I planted them last night & put some more fertilizer around a few of my plants... finished putting the rest of my mulch out too. & i think i saw Jesus. I was moving the mulch around & a hugeee HUGEEE spider crawled over my fingers. OMGOSH i just about had a heart attack right there! I HATE SPIDERS! Anyhow, I think my yard is finally looking semi-decent. I enjoy messing with my flowers so very much. It's rather relaxing. It's the only time of day that I get to myself. I took Gavin out there while I was planting the cucumbers - but the skeeters were hellabad so, he had to come back inside. I'll have to pick up some bugspray next time I'm at walllllmartttt.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I've managed to write this blog, feed Gavin his breakfast, wash dishes, start a load of clothes, and clean the floors... I'm Super Miranda. I just wonder how Don would do if he had to stay at home with Gavin for one week. I don't think he'd get anything done. Maybe that's what he needs to do. Maybe then he'll see just how much I have to do around here, and why some days I'm a little grumpy. Being a mom is hard work. Being a wife is hard work. Being a full time mom & wife is even harder... but, I love this life & if I weren't busy doing the things that I do, I'd probably go crazy. I wouldn't know how to act if my mommy-duties were taken away from me. I like my routine & I like sticking to it. I have my days where I want to pull out my hair & scream for hours... but, the good days get me through it. I have no other choice.

pinkydinkydoo

We went to Chili's again this past Saturday. I told myself I was going to try something new, but I wound up getting the Monterray Chicken again. Seems like I always get the same things when I go to dinner. I should try spicing things up & trying new dishes, but I can't bring myself to try anything new. I mean, I don't go out to dinner often... so why would I attempt to get something & I not like it, right? I babble.

My 24th birthday is in two days. TWO. I can not believe I'm going to be 24. Where has my life gone? Honestly, what have I done with myself? Other than giving birth to Gavin & becoming a wonderful mommy - i can't say i'm proud of much else. I just never thought I'd be where I am. I always thought I'd do so much more with my life... It kinda depresses me to an extent to know that I haven't accomplished really anything I've wanted. When I was little I thought I could do anything - what a big reality blow now that I'm older. wahwahwah Oh well, it's never too late for me to get back into school & get on the road that I should have never strayed from... I've just done things kinda backwards, right? Things happen for a reason, i'm sure. I haven't totally figured out why I was who I was back then, and I'm not sure if I ever really will... but, atleast I know that that person I was isn't who I am now, isn't who I want to be, and isn't someone I'm ever going to be again. I put myself in really akward situations, I was a complete bitch to people who really cared for me, I did things I would have never done & I am completely ashamed of how I acted. What a moron. I can't blame my actions on anyone else, and I'll eventually have to own up to everything I did. I can say that if I weren't an alcoholic, maybe my actions wouldn't have been so rash. I can't really say, either way. I was a drunk, I made drunk decisions, and I had drunk friends. & let me tell you, drunk friends arent friends. they're only there for the moment, the good drinks, and their own entertainment. they don't care about you, only if you finish your next drink & get on the "level" they are on. idiotic, if you ask me. but, I was one of those people.

moving on...

I have one chapter left in All Together Dead. What a great read. Eric has replaced my Bill. For some reason, I want Eric to be with Sookie. I want them to live happily ever after. Is it sad that I get completely obsessed with what I read. I become Sookie when I'm reading... weird. It's like that with most of what i read... i guess, that's the point though, huh? Anywho, after I finish with this chapter I'm going to start on my Bookclub Book. Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen. We have our meeting on the 29th - so I want to go ahead and read it. It's going to be tough having to see the last two sookie books on the bookshelf... but, i'd rather have something to read when i'm done with this BCB.

I need to make a trip to the grocery store & the farmers market. I need some healthy choices in my kitchen to snack on. Fruit Loops, Nilla Wafers, and Brownies are NOT helping my waist line. I really need to focus on myself. I've let myself go since I had Gavin & I haven't been taking care of my own needs. I really need to get my willpower in check so I can start getting rid of this bulge in my tummy. I lost weight after Gavin, but I've gained alot back too. Sitting on my butt at home with Gavin and eating unhealthy snacks... doesn't lose weight Miranda. I walk everday around the block with Gavin - but maybe I need to start making two trips... or mapping myself out a longer walk. If I am not happy with myself how can I make anyone else happy? I mean, if i'm disgusted at the way I look in the mirror - isn't don? i mean, he says that i'm pretty... but i dont think he'd really say "miranda, lose weight. you look gross." I just miss my pre-preg. body. I thought I"d be able to get right back to it, but shit no. i'm not nearly as active as i was, and i'm able to eat whenever i want. Plus, when i don't eat alot I feel like Gavin doesn't get much milk. i know, that's wrong. But, its a complex i have with my brain. I eat, Gavin eats. I dont eat, he doesn't get anything. Yes, I need to eat - OK this is going NOwhere!

I'm going out to dinner with Keela tonight for my bday. YAY for mexican food. (again, with the food miranda) see, it's like all i think about. I do think that mexican food is semi healthy... it's better than junk food. how bad can beans & rice be for you? other than the gas compartment... ha.

ok.byes.

daily rant

it's official - I'm a leader- constantly being followed. i can't walk room to room with out having someone on my tail. if it's not Gavin, it's scooter. i don't mind Gavin so much, BC he isn't as big as scooter & scooter wont MOVE! i think he enjoys getting right under my butt and watching me bust my booty when he doesn't skedaddle. i guess things could be worse. at least i know they both love me enough to follow me around. in their eyes I'm cool, and that's all that matters. hopefully, my coolness won't die down as Gavin gets older...

so, about these thieves that live in my neighborhood. yea, I'm quite ill with the whole situation. i know who they are, it's friggin' obvious. there are 7 houses on our road with ours included & the stealers. in the past two weeks three of the houses have been broken into. my neighbors to my left - thank god they weren't home - they stole their TVs, money, and some of her jewelry. we were at the beach when this happened, and I'm thinking they used our backyard to get into theirs... this past Sat. the older man down the road came to tell us they had broken into his house while he wasn't home. & there's a house for rent that has been broken into. 3 houses, total. our car has been broken into & our radio ganked. two cars at the house for rent - windows broke radios gone. & yesterday our neighbor to the right had his truck window busted out. so basically, everyone on this road has had something happen to their house or car except for THEM! you'd think the cops would put two and two together right? apparently not. & you'd think maybe they'd patrol this area more now, but NOPE I've not seen any cops ride around.
I'm just really worried that they're going to try to break in our house. you know, break in the car all you want... I'm not in the car & neither is Gavin. but, you trying to break into my house is not going to go over with me. i will shoot you, stab you, or kick you in the balls. maybe they haven't attempted our house BC we have a dog - and he barks - and maybe he would attack someone, if i said "get 'em boy" or "ouch" cus he does when i say that around don... i hope my dog scares them off, cus i really don't want to go through jail/court or anything BC i shot a thief! & i don't think don would bail me out of jail - HA.
I'm so worried. I'm sick on my tummy. I'm anxious. I'm constantly looking outside & hearing things. i used to have a hard time going to sleep before all of this happened, BC i thought if something were to happen, it would at night, right? no, this has all happened during the DAY. that's whats crazy - who does that? my nerves are shot. I'm not able to sleep. & i can't seem to nap in the daytime now BC i think somethings going to happen and I'm not going to be able to stop them. granted, scooter will bark and let me know somethings going on. but, i don't know what i would do if i were put in that situation... it really scares me. think about it, if they're breaking into all these houses and stealing things - there has to be a reason. are they on drugs? if so, there's no telling what they'd do to me if i tried to stop them. they might shoot my dog. but, what about Gavin. OM GOSH. i need a security system. and i need a nerve pill. i need sleep. i need i need i need.

is it normal for someone to obsess about this? even before all this happened, I'd have racing thoughts at night about the scenario of something breaking in... and now someone around here really are breaking in houses - so my mind is like on double time - and i can't seem to stop it. it's driving me crazy. i just want to push pause on my thoughts and be able to have five minutes to myself without obsessing about this stupid crap.

anyhow. Gavin's got a boo boo. at this age, it seems like he's a crawling catastrophe. seems like he's constantly falling down, bumping his head, etc. poor fella. i just don't want to take him out & ppl think i hit my kid. he's got a bruise on his noggin' from crawling into the wall, and a scrape on his chin from falling down on the jack in the box. on top of his 'ouchies' he won't stay clean! I'm thinking it's a boy thing, idk. but, he gets dirt in places i didn't know were possible! how does his fingernails get dirt under them? he doesn't play in dirt! his feet get dirty, his face, his hands, i mean everywhere! last night at bath time i went to take his socks off & they were black with dirt... how!? he doesn't even walk yet. so, needless to say Gavin gets a bath every night. sometimes, i wish i could skip it so i can shower - but i don't get nearly as messy as he does. & who cares if I'm a dirty mom. HA.

I'm going to cook some country fried steak stuff tonight. with gravy. and rice. served with a side of yum.

my birthday is coming up. like, a few days up. twenty-four. oldie.goldie.hawn.

the end.

i enjoy this. complaining, that is.

For some reason, I want to complain.



My flowers are blooming & my house is clean. I have a happy baby & food in the fridge. My head isn't hurting today (for once) & I'm reading a good book...



But, I didn't sleep well last night & got up too early this morning bc Gavin & Don were already awake. I haven't been able to take a nap all day today bc everyone decides to txt me, call me, knock on my door - or whatever - when I'm laying down. No one bothers me, until I try to nap. That gets frustrating. If I don't try to take a nap when Gavin is sleeping - no one calls, but just as soon as I'm ALMOST asleep - my phone vibrates, or the dog barks, or the neighbor mows.



I have chicken in the fridge that needs to be cooked tonight & I do not know how I want to cook it.



I have clothes hanging out to dry, and it looks like it's going to rain.

I constantly have dirty floors & i dont know what to do about it. I sweep, I mop & I've even vaccumed the darn hardwoods. No matter how much I clean, they remain dirty. Dog hair, cat hair, grass, crumbs, dirt - dirt - dirt! It pisses me off. I can't walk around with no socks on and still have clean feet. WHY!?



I'm a bad sister, bc I didn't hear my phone ring yesterday. Mom thinks I should be a better sister - i'd just really like to know the explanation behind that. How am I not a good sister? Why do I always get the third degree on how to be a "good" sister. Nevermind the fact, that I never get a call from any of my sisters - nevermind my opinion of "good sisters". You know, the phone works both ways - and just bc I didnt answer the phone means what? I can't asnwer it 24-7... i do have a baby, ya know!



i wasn't able to go to the playdate this morning bc i never got directions until 5 minutes before it began - seems to me like someone was trying to screw me out of that event.



there are theives living in our neighborhood, and i think i know who they are. if they break in my house, i'll shoot them - for real.

i guess i'm done. i need to get dinner started. i was having a great day - too bad that didn't last as long as i wish. my bitch fest is over. the end.

Mother's Day

We just celebrated my first Mother's Day. For 23 years, I've thought nothing of this day - other than appreciating my mother & eating good food. I never expected to be on the receiving end of this "thank you" day. It's such a difference - I mean, life seriously changes when you have a baby - even the small things. It was a great day. I am so thankful for getting to experience motherhood & that Gavin is all mine :) I thought about making a list about my son... we'll see where this takes me...

• when he crawls & knows he's not suppose to be going that way... he'll stop & turn around to see if i'm watching him - then books it before i can get my hands on him
• he snorts
• he never refuses coming to mommy :) no matter what he's doing - he'll always hold his arms up waiting for me to pick him up.
• he dances when he hears music - its adorable.
• when he wants attention, he'll make it known he's here - he yells, screams, does whatever needs to be done so you will look at him.
• he loves on me. he gives me kisses & sometimes bites me - but i wouldn't want to be bitten by anyone else.
• he loves being outdoors. watching the birdies, the cars, the trees - picking up grass, rocks, dirt or worms
• he has the sweetest laugh in the world - and i love hearing it. no matter how bad i'm feeling, his giggle can bring a smile to my face.
• just the fact that i know i'm loved by him & he isnt able to tell me. it's a love no one will ever hold a flame to. there is not one thing i wouldn't do for him. i would lay my life on the line, if i had to.
• he gets excited when he sees other children, it's like he's thinking - "man, i really wish i could run around and play like those kids"
• he learns something everyday. its such a joy to see him learn something new. like, when he learned how to put his "arms up!" or pattycake, or waving hey & byebye, when he said "dada" - or like last night, when he finally figured out if he pushed this part of the toy down, it would shake & sing - so he did it over & over & over - then looked at me with a "i'm so happy" grin
• he's even adorable when he's not in a good mood, which is rare (thank God) he does have a temper though, and i swear he gets that from Don. if he has his mind on something, and isn't able to do what he wants - he screams & kicks & it's not pretty - but i swear its a stage. & we're working on calming himself.
• i love the fact that i get complimented on him. it's nice to know that i'm not the only one who thinks that he's a studmuffin. i could be bias, ya know. people come up to us, no matter where we are or what we're doing, just to see the baby - & say how cute he is :) it really makes me feel wonderful.
• i'm glad he looks like his dad. i think it would be weird if he looked like me. i know, i say things like "well, i carried him. he should look like me" but, i think Gavin is perfect just the way he is - & i think he is a doll - even if he looks like Don.
• he's good about trying new foods. i was somewhat worried about that since Don is such a picky eater - but i'm very thankful that Gavin will try just about anything. He likes his fruits & veggies.
• when he can't see you, he'll look for you. like if i hide behind a chair - he'll come find me. or if something is in his way, he'll look around it. it's so simple but so cute.
• i never realized how fast babies grow. i've heard it over and over again by many different people that they'll be walking before you know it... i really can not believe that he's already 9 months old. i miss having him so little. i miss his newborn smell, when he'd hold my hand, how he wanted me to hold him "oh so close" - dont get me wrong, i love him now too. just, sometimes, i miss how it used to be when he wasn't so idk ummm active lol.
• he's so cute when he feeds himself, or when he uses his bigboy cup. i watched him this morning for the longest time trying to get a fruitloop in his mouth. it kept getting stuck on the outside of his hand & when he'd get it right at this mouth... it'd fall off. & then he'd do it all over again... i could watch him for hours... ok so i do watch him for hours ha.
• i'm molding his mind. i'm teaching him, even when i dont realize i am. he learns so much from me. i will always be his only mother. the love he has for me will always be stronger than for any other female. hey, i'm his mom. it ought to work that way, right?
• i want him to know that he can always count on me, i'll always be here for him & i'll always support him - no matter what path he chooses in life. I just hope that i'll be able to help him decide what path is the right one... I want him to know that he is the reason I wake up in the mornings, literally. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the best thing that ever will happen to me. nothing could get better than this. he changed me, i just hope he knows that i will love him till the end of time. i will fight giant spiders for him, if i had to. i will always make the boogeyman go away & i'll always clean up his boo-boos. i'll hold him when he wants to be held, i'll sing to him, rock him, love him whenever needed. i'll always change his diapers or wipe his hiney. i'll continue to teach him, i will continue to love him. i will never spank him, hurt him, or yell at him. i will listen to him when he wants to talk to me, i will hear him out. i will respect him in hope he will do the same. i will provide for him. i will love him the best that i can, more than i have anyone else. i will watch over him even when i'm no longer here. he is my everything, and i will do whatever i can to make his life the best that it possibly can be. i am so thankful that i gave birth to him - even though, it wasn't easy - it was the well worth it.